Argumentative Essay

Need help with revisions to my paper. Make thesis stronger, divide up big body paragraph, more direct language, connect info to argument, Professor says, “So as a reader, I am getting lost in this (body) paragraph that is far too long and contains a lot information. I suggest to review this section and see where you can male at least 2, maybe even 3 paragraphs. Also, since your thesis is that this NEWS system is a solution to address sepsis in ERs, your topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph should tell your reader how each paragraph supports that thesis.” “You have a strong first paragraph that includes thesis statement that could use bit more strengthening. Also the main body of your paper needs some work in terms of organizing the vast amount of information (you do have some good courses – good work on that) you provides a bit more directly for your reader (see in-text comment for more details). “